Turdbucket

I'm a writer, so I'll probably be more into the pen-pal swaps. It appeals to me since, at heart, I'm stuck in Tudor England. I'm really in Minot, ND, which is about as far from that kind of thing as you can get.

I can do stickers but I have nowhere to put them, and things that are painfully easy like painting stuff...I do no sewing, stitching, crocheting, or anything of the sort, not because I believe in traditional gender roles, but because I'm pants at anything involving hand-eye coordination.

My wife is stationed at Minot AFB and is also on swap-bot, which is why I'm on here. I'm currently studying for the North Dakota Bar Exam, just got discharged from the Army (it's been a busy last few years), and my first anniversary is coming up soon.

I play golf, smoke cigars, cook stuff, and do lawyery things. I'm probably going back into the military, whether it's active duty or the reserves, but not for awhile.

My swap-bot kingdom is called Turdbucketonia. Therefore, most of my sendings will be in some form of official Turdbucketonia documents.

Common side-effects of Turdbucket are nausea, vomiting, gangrene, short term memory loss, bloating, flatulence, maximum flatulence, propulsive flatulence (pooping), atherosclerosis, bone loss, ear drum rupture, eye drops, cyclops, and maltodextrin. Consult a physician if these symptoms last for longer than seven days, as they may be signs of a serious medical condition.

Food and exercise infomercials, Heroes, House, The West Wing, Weeds, Scrubs, The Tudors.

If I'm on YouTube, it's for The Lonely Island music videos or for Cooking With Dog.

I HATE LAWYER AND COP SHOWS BECAUSE THE AVERAGE CRIMINAL CASE FROM ARREST TO CONVICTION IS OVER FOUR MONTHS.

1. The Godfather.
2. The History Boys.
3. Any movie adaptation of a Chuck Palaniuk novel.
4. Anything directed by Guy Ritchie.
5. Gritty war movies.

Historical fiction, especially of Tudor England; Jane Austen material (my love of the English language); Chuck Palaniuk books; the Harry Potter books, but not the movies; Christopher Moore; Oscar Wilde.

In no particular order: The Lonely Island, Tenacious D, Motion City Soundtrack, Garth Brooks, Van Halen, Def Leppard, Pearl Jam, Green Day. I have varied tastes. Rap music is exactly like torture: I do not enjoy, condone, or tolerate it under any circumstances, and it should be internationally banned because it is an affront to humanity.